Millionaire businessman – all businessmen are millionaires according to journalists. I suppose it’s based on including how much their house is worth, and that means that in a lot of places he’ll be worth over half a million and that’s, like, nearly a millionaire.

Blonde Pam/Mary/Sarah… – while men get to be businessmen, and millionaires at that, women have hair.

…their £XXXk house… – a favourite of the Mail, this. It is either used to portray solid respectability (for people they want you to identify with) or else shocking wastes of taxpayers’ money (in the case of families from abroad who have been given a large house in an area that’s intended for millionaire businessmen and their wives who have hair, rather than a cardboard box in Dagenham).

Career women – now, I’m not sure whether this is supposed to refer to any woman with a job of higher status than shelf-stacking and pint pulling, or just to sharp-suited, high-heeled harridans who pop off babies in their lunch hour (conceived via IVF, of course, because they ‘left it too late because they were focusing on their careers’), before returning to their desks and leaving aforementioned children in the care of women who presumably aren’t career women and may even be…

Immigrants – a homogenous mass of foreignness including legal immigrants, those seeking asylum and illegal immigrants. There’s then the whole ‘taking our jobs’ thing, which legal immigrants are perfectly entitled to do, asylum seekers are not allowed to do but they may, along with illegal immigrants, enjoy the privilege of working for under the minimum wage and with no rights whatsoever on jobs no one else wants.

My gay/lesbian shame – yes, even in recent years I have seen headlines which baldly state that straying from the path of heterosexuality is a cause for shame. Go and stand in the naughty corner, especially if you are a man. If you’re a woman, though, you’re welcome to do a bikini shoot for our magazine and talk about which foodstuffs you’d like to lick off Megan Fox.

Celeb’s school chum in blah blah shock – referring to someone who went to the same school as a well known person, and might even have been there at the same time as them for a bit. Maybe they tried to lick foodstuffs off Megan Fox without her consent, leading her to express…

Fury – someone is mildly miffed. This was used in a headline once about our Prince Will being a bit cheesed off with the press about the stuff it wrote concerning his late mother, and the drift of the article was that William said ‘Well gosh, you chaps, you might write a bit less about her and be a tad less invasive, many thanks.’

I may well come back to some of these themes at a later date, so don’t say you weren’t warned.